Monday, July 07, 2008



This is a photograph of a seagull eating a pigeon in a Newcastle street, as captured and texted to me by this blog's Edinburgh correspondent Dan, 26, socialist author, just moments before the seagull flew off with the little shit in its beak. Barely credible, nay, incredible scenes.

My pigeon hatred has been well and truly documented into oblivion on these pages, but my hatred of seagulls is nearly as strong. Anyone who spent numerous depressing Sunday afternoons in the North Yorkshire seaside town of Whitby during their childhood, like me, will know what it's like when the squawky scumbags viciously and ruthlessly lay siege while you're innocently trying to eat some chips. Some of these seagulls carry knives, and they need clearing off the streets, just like the pigeons.

Let them kill each other. It's dog eat dog out there; quite literally, as the above photo shows.


Blogger Dan said...

This is actually the second time I've seen this happen, though it was was no less staggering for that.

I found great optimism in the event; as you suggest, if they wipe p*geons out then I won't have to finally crack and go on a machine gun-based rampage.

But who will wipe out the seagulls? The albatrossi? It's the circle of life gone mad.

Seagulls are literally running amok in Edinburgh at the moment, and this morning I was nearly run over as I concentrated on avoiding getting my head shat on, attacked, or worse, rather than keeping my eyes on the road.

Nowhere is safe and nothing is sacred.

July 09, 2008 9:02 am  
Anonymous Top Boy (and that) said...

That is literally the most harrowing bird related photo I have ever seen (with the possible exception of photos of Ladies Day at Aintree). Is Daniel Gray, married, 26, the new Kevin Carter? You'll have to make room on the mantelpiece for that Pulitzer...

As an aside, being the resident bird expert here (waheeeeey Top Boys FFS TBF), can I just stress that Gulls can only be called Seagulls in coastal towns? Proper Seagulls are also known as Black-headed Gulls although they literally lose their black head in the winter for camouflage purposes. Your common or garden Towngulls are merely mongri (plural for mongrel, please).

July 09, 2008 12:06 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

Interesting news about these gull differentiations you claim exist. But surely as Newc**tle is only a short distance from the coast there is a possibilty this gull samaritan has simply flown up the Tyne in order to perform this finest of deeds, before returning to sea.

As for the matter of who will kill the seagulls, is there anyone left? We may be forced to rely on former Coronation Street hardman gangster Jez Quigley, 32 when killed.

July 09, 2008 12:52 pm  
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