Sunday, January 13, 2008

Literal graffiti labelling

Literal graffiti labelling is the latest craze set to sweep the nation. It appears to involve people marauding about in search of works of graffiti in public places and then adding to them with very factual and nonfigurative summaries of their meaning. As all the greatest social phenomena tend to emerge from Middlesbrough, it's of no surprise to me that the first example I've come across was in the men's toilets of Middlesbrough railway station at 12.30pm yesterday, having travelled back and 'detrained' for Boro's match with Liverpool at the Riverside. I noticed this message written in black biro on the wall:
I'm here every Monday 1630 - 1700 to suck cock. Very genuine.
Immediately beneath this somebody else had scrawled, in blue biro:
This man's observational accuracy can not fail to impress. He has - quite correctly you would think - identified that the original author is of a homosexual persuasion and fond of fornication, and has subsequently documented this fact in a very simple and literal manner. It's almost a public service, when you think about it.

I eagerly await further examples of literal graffiti labelling in public places. Messages such as "fresh pancakes served here every Tuesday after 3.30pm" could be replied to with "BATTER TOSSER".

"I will administer tetanus jabs here on Thursday mornings" could realistically be suffixed with "YOU PRICK".

I could go on, but won't.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must say that after reading your blog and considering it for many days, lying wide awake at night with beads of cold juice dripping down my legs, that I am bitterly excited by your grasp of language but menacingly saddened by the insufficience of erotica. I hope to see more in the near future.

Yours always
Erica Bamshoot

January 16, 2008 11:50 pm  
Anonymous Michael Laverick said...

Great stuff as ever Padders, maybe you should bring up the issue with this guy, and he can get his mate Gordon Brown, PM, to look into it.

January 16, 2008 11:54 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

Link didn't work, but does now>.

Now that your brother is in the corridors of power, maybe he can arrange for people like Erica Bamshoot and all of their erotic perversions to be eliminated.

January 17, 2008 4:41 pm  

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