Thursday, December 13, 2007

Download your personal Christmas card

You wouldn't believe the price of Christmas trees this year. Much like the soaring price of bread, they're going for previously unthinkable amounts of cash. Market forces are at work, and in some ways it seems a shame that tree fans are being held to ransom at what should be a time of goodwill. But then again, Christmas is, afterall, nothing but a lurid festival of commerce and materialism designed to keep our artificial capitalist economy afloat, so perhaps it's fitting. Anyway, the tree has gone up in Flat C and yes, it's a real one.

The inhabitants (and a tree)

To celebrate all of this, I hereby invite you to download your own personal Christmas card from me and flatmate Anna, 24. It might not look very personal, but once you print it out on some white A4 paper, fold it in the correct way, and fill your name in on the dotted line, it will be. If you're still in any doubt as to your card's sincerity, feel free to send in your name and we will, after considering your reputation and character, respond to either confirm or deny the sentiments expressed within it.

1) Download your to-be-personalised card here.
2) Adhere to these simple folding guidelines:

3) Fill in your name.
4) Display prominently in your home or place of work - away from naked flames. And scantily clad flames too.

As you may have spied, the tree is overseen by a Gareth Southgate angel:

Middlesbrough manager Southgate (pictured), 37, married, once beleagured, deserves his place at the tree's summit and special tinsel hair because of Boro's glorious shock victory over top-of-the-table Arsenal last weekend. I just hope he's still in the job at Christmas.


Blogger Dan said...

I want to know what the newspaper-like item on the wall is. Tell me it's the racing form, tell me it is.

December 14, 2007 12:04 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

Not quite: just a Mancunian gig guide, I'm afraid (I know it's Mancunian because it drops its 'aitches' in a very particular way). Although, it does handily feature horse-form-like statistics, such as the weight carried by the Kaiser Chiefs, I Am Kloot's most recent chart positions, and a short description of each band's most recent outing, e.g. "held up in touch, went handy 3rd 9th, led 2 out, kept on well" (that was the Manics last week, and I fully agree with the report).

December 14, 2007 4:14 pm  
Blogger D.B. said...

This is absolutely superb. I've even just showed it to one of my co-workers, who doesn't even know you - and she thinks it's superbas well.

Love the Southgate touch too.

December 14, 2007 7:34 pm  
Blogger Gez said...

Why is Zoe Slater sat under the tree with you?

December 19, 2007 9:34 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

I had to look Zoe Slater up (not in a dirty way) just then. I don't plummet to the depths frequented by the rest of the docile masses by watching Eastenders, so there's no way I would've known I was living with a character from it.

If it was someone from Coronation Street, that would be an entirely different matter.

(Actually, it wouldn't be a different matter, would it? It's the same matter, i.e. soap characters, so I should maybe have said it'd be a different instance of the same matter. Yes, that would've been far more appropriate.)

December 20, 2007 9:14 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

Oh... and she isn't sat, she's sitting.

December 20, 2007 9:15 pm  
Blogger Gez said...

I've been meaning to write post about the Mancunian curse of present tense sat (aka footballer tense).

I can't shake it.

December 21, 2007 6:23 pm  
Blogger Gez said...

*write a post

December 21, 2007 6:24 pm  
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