Thursday, September 06, 2007

Pat calling the kettle crap

"Come and look at this" murmured the Harrogate-based alpha brother while beckoning me into his kitchen. The visual feast I was expected to provide a reaction to was a brand new kettle he'd bought, with a puzzling feature whereby it doesn't seem to take time to do anything. Rather than needing a standard three to four minute boiling period, you just fill it up, flick it on, and then it pours the water out at a boiling temperature within seconds, producing quickfire tea. I'm not quite sure how it works. I'm no scientist. Or electrician. Or interested. But it emerged that this freaky little instant-boiling device had set him back £63: for a kettle! That's just so Harrogate.

My brother wasn't happy with my luke-warm response (I take a while to boil up [*ba-dum-pa-tssssshh*]). I complained that it was a ridiculous purchase and an example of the kind of nonsensical gadget fetishism that kept the western world's false economies artificially afloat. You can do the same job with a 50-year old pan and a hob oven top if you're willing to wait a few minutes. I don't see removing the processes of life as being necessarily a good thing. We should really delight in process, so that the product is all the more appreciated. There's a certain therapy to putting the kettle on and being able to wander off and conduct some vital life-admin around the house, before returning like clockwork to witness the boiling point and having built up an even greater thirst than you started with. Then, quenching that thirst with a carefully-crafted cup of tea is just heaven. I've often read the back page of the Evening Gazette in the time it takes for the kettle to boil. Or made a toilet trip, made a chess move, or cut down a small tree. To remove the period of waiting time is also to remove the pleasure. It's teamaking for the iPod generation and it's sickening. What next? Nourishment without the pleasure of taste, without chewing and being able to manipulate the foodstuff from cheek to cheek for lasting thrills? Consuming literature without the sensuous licking of ones finger in order to turn from page to page to page (to page)?

His considered assessment of my reasons for being unimpressed by this iKettle was that I was "just jealous". This was the final straw. I pointed out that surely he meant I was envious rather than jealous, since jealously (in its unspoiled semantic form) means being fiercely possessive and guarded towards one's property. People have gradually distorted its meanings and just substituted it for envy. So, since I don't own an iKettle I'm unable to be jealous of it, but could feasibly be envious, even though I'm not. So there. I don't think the alpha brother wants to speak to me anymore.


Blogger Dan said...

These 'developments' do worry me.

I heard on the radio the other day that Mastercard are introducing some kind of P.I.N-less credit card for "small purchases such as newspapers and milk".

Apparently, this will mean that we no longer have to perform the arduous task of taking money from our pockets and communicating with a shop worker. Instead, we will flash this card in front of a machine, saving literally seconds.

Well perhaps I like coins, and moreover I like interaction with (some of) my fellow human beings.

I like taking time. I'm not deluded to an extent that I think myself important enough to rush anywhere.

As an aside, you did very well to avoid Father Ted repetition by quoting Mrs Doyle: "Maybe I like the misery of making tea".

September 06, 2007 1:42 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

I was very close to quoting Mrs Doyle but decided not to for reasons of repetition, as you suggested. You can read me like a book (and not a very good book, etc etc).

Your careful employment of 'P.I.N.' rather than the nonsensical 'P.I.N. Number' hasn't gone unnoticed, by the way. I must drum that one into myself too from now on, and routinely beat myself upon every erroneous utterance. A bit like a swear box but more violent and based purely in pedantry.

I'm not keen on that Mastercard idea either. It smacks of further market research to me. And who exactly is deigning the relative sizes of our purchases on some arbitrary scale, whereby newspapers and milk are 'small'? Balderdash: they're daily purchases of the greatest magnitude.

September 06, 2007 8:02 pm  
Blogger Gez said...

I usually like over priced gadgets but this one seems a little useless. My guess is that if works like a household hot water tank. It has two filaments, one at the bottom heating the whole thing (immersion)and one at the top making use of convection currents to heat a small amount of water quickly. A bit unnecessary for the sake of 2 minutes and I agree that the wait is part of the sacred ritual.

I agree with the jealous/envious thing but I fear it's a battle already lost.

Oh by the way, I changed the settings on GrammarBlog so for the time being you don't have to prove your human status to post a comment.

September 07, 2007 4:03 pm  
Blogger Paddy said...

Like a household water tank eh? I wonder if it sometimes spurts out ice cold water at inopportune moments and at other times, simply doesn't work.

September 07, 2007 4:57 pm  
Blogger Gez said...

And runs scalding hot if someone flushes the loo. Because I mucked up my link on the last post, I'm going to do it again (sorry, I'm an unbearable self-promoter).


Hey kids, check out GrammarBlog. Na-night!

September 07, 2007 5:04 pm  
Blogger oakleyses said...

longchamp outlet, chanel handbags, louis vuitton handbags, air max, kate spade handbags, longchamp handbags, ray ban sunglasses, coach purses, louis vuitton outlet, burberry outlet, prada handbags, oakley sunglasses cheap, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet, louboutin outlet, coach outlet store online, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tory burch outlet, tiffany and co, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton outlet, nike shoes, michael kors outlet, nike free, louboutin, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, jordan shoes, louis vuitton outlet stores, prada outlet, tiffany and co, air max, oakley sunglasses, coach outlet, louboutin shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, longchamp handbags, coach factory outlet, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, gucci outlet

October 31, 2014 6:53 am  
Blogger oakleyses said...

nike blazer, hogan outlet, longchamp, north face, ray ban sunglasses, air jordan, louboutin, ralph lauren, ray ban pas cher, true religion jeans, nike air max, nike tn, north face, hollister, michael kors, air force, michael kors, true religion jeans, nike free pas cher, lululemon, sac longchamp, vanessa bruno, mulberry, nike roshe run, vans pas cher, true religion outlet, louis vuitton, air max pas cher, timberland, nike free, air max, sac louis vuitton, polo lacoste, converse pas cher, sac guess, hollister, michael kors pas cher, new balance pas cher, louis vuitton uk, polo ralph lauren, oakley pas cher, sac burberry, sac hermes, air max, sac louis vuitton

October 31, 2014 6:58 am  
Blogger oakleyses said...

celine handbags, reebok outlet, vans shoes, bottega veneta, soccer shoes, wedding dresses, p90x, mac cosmetics, ugg boots, new balance shoes, marc jacobs, uggs outlet, jimmy choo outlet, nike huarache, ugg australia, north face jackets, nike trainers, ghd, babyliss pro, nike roshe, soccer jerseys, ugg, ugg pas cher, birkin bag, north face outlet, barbour, instyler, herve leger, beats by dre, mont blanc, abercrombie and fitch, nfl jerseys, giuseppe zanotti, chi flat iron, hollister, asics running shoes, lululemon outlet, nike roshe run, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, insanity workout, mcm handbags, ferragamo shoes, rolex watches, longchamp

October 31, 2014 7:10 am  
Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister, montre homme, moncler, gucci, rolex watches, karen millen, moncler, canada goose, baseball bats, ray ban, timberland boots, iphone 6 cases, louis vuitton, lancel, moncler, converse shoes, vans, juicy couture outlet, ralph lauren, ugg boots, canada goose uk, supra shoes, toms shoes, canada goose, canada goose jackets, canada goose, moncler outlet, ugg, oakley, canada goose outlet, parajumpers, ugg, moncler, louboutin, coach outlet store online, canada goose, hollister, converse, air max, hollister clothing store, juicy couture outlet, moncler, moncler, canada goose, air max, wedding dresses

October 31, 2014 7:10 am  
Blogger Zheng junxai5 said...

2015-10-08 zhengjx
tory burch outlet
New Jordans Cheap For Sale
coach factory outlet
ugg boots sale
canada goose
cheap jordans,jordan shoes,cheap jordan shoes
michael kors handbags
canada goose outlet
abercrombie & fitch
michael kors outlet
Cheap Michael Kors Handbags On Sale
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
coach factory outlet
Ray Ban Sunglasses Outlet Store Online
coach outlet store online
Hollister UK Clothing Store
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton
Christian Louboutin Shoes Outlet Sale Cheap Price
Abercrombie And Fitch New York Clothing Warehouse
michael kors bags
cheap louis vuitton
michael kors outlet
Oakley Sunglasses Official Website Cheap Off
michael kors bag
ugg boots
uggs australia
Louis Vuitton Outlet Store Locations
Louis Vuitton Outlet Handbags Pursers In USA

October 08, 2015 9:36 am  
Blogger ninest123 said...

ninest123 16.03
tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton, ugg boots, ugg boots, chanel handbags, louis vuitton, michael kors, longchamp, louis vuitton, ray ban sunglasses, uggs on sale, replica watches, michael kors outlet, prada outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet, nike free, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin outlet, louis vuitton outlet, tory burch outlet, burberry outlet online, nike air max, louboutin shoes, prada handbags, burberry, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, gucci outlet, longchamp outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton outlet, tiffany and co, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, nike outlet, oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, christian louboutin outlet, louboutin, oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses

March 30, 2016 3:49 am  
Blogger ninest123 said...

oakley pas cher, coach outlet, air force, nike roshe, hermes, ray ban uk, true religion jeans, nike free run uk, burberry, timberland, replica handbags, ray ban pas cher, vanessa bruno, hollister pas cher, lululemon, ralph lauren uk, true religion outlet, vans pas cher, michael kors, north face, nike air max, longchamp pas cher, sac longchamp, tn pas cher, north face, converse pas cher, hogan, michael kors, nike roshe run, sac guess, true religion jeans, lacoste pas cher, nike air max, kate spade outlet, new balance pas cher, louboutin pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, kate spade handbags, air max, coach purses, nike blazer, michael kors, nike air max, true religion jeans, mulberry, coach outlet, nike free, air jordan pas cher, michael kors

March 30, 2016 3:50 am  
Blogger ninest123 said...

nike air max, hollister, nike trainers, ralph lauren, abercrombie and fitch, ferragamo shoes, nfl jerseys, p90x workout, iphone cases, herve leger, soccer jerseys, soccer shoes, nike roshe, instyler, s5 cases, ghd, mac cosmetics, baseball bats, north face outlet, beats by dre, mcm handbags, iphone 6 plus cases, louboutin, insanity workout, iphone 6s cases, iphone 5s cases, babyliss, wedding dresses, oakley, mont blanc, hollister, birkin bag, reebok shoes, nike air max, valentino shoes, bottega veneta, lululemon, north face outlet, iphone 6s plus cases, celine handbags, new balance, vans shoes, chi flat iron, asics running shoes, giuseppe zanotti, hollister, longchamp, ipad cases, nike huarache, jimmy choo shoes, timberland boots, iphone 6 cases

March 30, 2016 3:52 am  
Blogger ninest123 said...

converse outlet, coach outlet, hollister, swarovski, converse, louis vuitton, moncler, ugg boots uk, canada goose, montre pas cher, wedding dresses, gucci, juicy couture outlet, supra shoes, doudoune canada goose, ugg pas cher, moncler, canada goose, canada goose, swarovski crystal, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, pandora charms, barbour, links of london, barbour jackets, canada goose uk, moncler, moncler outlet, karen millen, sac louis vuitton pas cher, ray ban, louis vuitton, bottes ugg, marc jacobs, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, juicy couture outlet, replica watches, pandora jewelry, pandora charms, lancel, toms shoes, thomas sabo, moncler, pandora jewelry, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, moncler, louis vuitton, vans, moncler, canada goose outlet, canada goose, moncler
ninest123 16.03

March 30, 2016 3:54 am  
Blogger Fghkfhk Dfgaert said...

cazal sunglasses
pandora charms
coach outlet online
coach factory outlet
prada outlet
michael kors outlet
nike air max
michael kors outlet
uggs outlet
coach handbags

May 28, 2018 7:26 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home