Abstract letter-penning

I almost choked on a Jammie Dodger in the bath last night when I read the following letter, which appeared in the 'Your Say' page of yesterday's Evening Gazette, my local rag.

'Cleverness of laughing clown'

IT TAKES a clever person to hold a serious job and now and again act like the fool.

Like when Socialist Denis Healey, on the campaign trail here in Guisborough, was beckoned by myself and asked perfunctorily about his health. He replied thus: "I am full of beans." He then took my wife's hand and patted his tummy with it.

For those of you who did not know that Denis Healey got a double first degree (Hons) at Oxford, you do now. Oh, and I wondered whether or not Denis Healey had heard about the law of raspberry jam, that is the farther you spread it the thinner it gets. Not unlike culture.

ALFRED H LISTER, Guisborough

What? I've read it at least fifteen times now and still can't identify the basic idea or message the author is trying to communicate. It's a completely baffling contribution, but having said that, I like the cut of Alfred H Lister's jib enormously. The tone of the letter suggests to me that he is an elderly man. I don't want to appear ageist or prejudiced against those from Guisborough, but I wish I was old enough and from Guisborough enough to be able to get away with nuttiness like this. It's like an abstract work of art, which you can't grasp the meaning of immediately, and then when you analyse it further it becomes still less and less clear what it's saying.

There's almost a basic point about Healey playing the joker, despite having a double first from Oxford, I can see that much. But then why bring the jam conundrum into it? What has it got to do with anything? 'Not unlike culture'? Alfred H Lister is evidently a loose cannon with no regard for letters page etiquette and convention, and I'll certainly be keeping an eye out for any future contributions from him.