Tuesday, August 01, 2006

PVC and the Political Process

I see Tony Blair has been talking this week about political ‘cross dressing’. Party policy is no longer defined by the traditional left vs right divide, he says, and modern politics will instead be characterised by rampant cross-dressing between parties. I suppose if anyone’s going to know about this, it’s Blair.

It might have been Kinnock who kick-started the ‘modernisation’ of the Labour party by building a PVC conservatory on party HQ in the early 1990s, but it’s Blair who’s been inviting all and sundry around for his wild, debauched PVC fashion nights since 1997. He’s been handpicking powerful media types and potential party donors with the sole intention of getting them round to the party offices for regular saucy knees-ups in the hope of securing their support for his regime. This conjures allsorts of entirely unpleasant images of John Prescott standing agog in the corner of the room sipping voluptuously from a goblet of Pimms, and dressed in a figure-hugging black PVC corset complete with snug (Yorkshire-Rose-emblazoned) thong and fishnet stockings. All while Alistair Campbell presumably works the room in a white PVC nurse outfit with lace-up side skirt, headpiece and stethoscope. I think I need to lie down.

But no, the point here is that if parties keep going on like this, reinventing themselves in a clamour for the middle-ground when they’re in opposition, it all makes politics very difficult to engage with for the urchin in the street. As the major parties try to distance themselves from long-held standpoints on major issues, nobody will know where Labour or the Tories stand on anything. But of course that's the intention. The political establishment wants to reduce the democratic process to a battle of personality, this is nothing new... and the main reason is in order to divert attention from where they stand on issues, because really the major parties are standing in exactly the same place.

David Cameron, tomorrow.


Of course, it’s probably all irrelevant in the long-run anyway because it’s well known that parties have never really won elections, they just lose them. So the Opposition simply needs to wait for whoever’s in government at any given time to create sufficient education/healthcare chaos (in our relative, first world sense) so as to be forced out amid a wave of ‘change’. The parties can just keep on cross-dressing, holding up various outfits against each others bodies and complimenting each other with remarks like “ooh that really suits you” and “yes, that black plastic sheen really is your colour.” The political process will just chug on regardless, without anyone really needing to do or say anything.

My prediction here is that the general electorate will eventually become so bored with cross-dressing and hollow political showmanship to the point where they find themselves boiling with rage, boycotting and overthrowing the established democratic process, and then replacing it with a form of collectivist anarchism – as advocated by everyone’s favourite bearded Russian revolutionary, Mikhail Bakunin.

Yes! This will be Blair’s legacy... the abolition of the state and private ownership of the means of production. I bet the tranny bastard never saw that coming. Mwahaha.

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