Lacking in Klass

I hate many things, but one thing I do like is a good hate figure (as in I like having them, rather than I actually like them as people, which would just completely defeat their purpose). There's Hitler... Peter Sutcliffe... John Redwood... 'Wolf' from Gladiators... The Demon Headmaster. I could go on. One of my present hate figurines, however, is talentless ex-Hear'Say mime-tart and magazine-show television presenter Myleene Klass.

While sensually devouring my generously proportioned bowl of Frosties before leaving for work this morning I saw a TV advert for a new album she's releasing for Mothers' Day. 'Myleene's Music For Mothers' is an assortment of well-known classical piano pieces, kindly repackaged by Myleene for mothers everywhere. The sole reason she qualifies as some kind of maternal spokeswoman and is blessed with the honour of exploiting the guilt-trip-fed Mothers' Day market appears to be that she's recently become a mother herself. She's even released a book about it: 'My Bump & Me'. Jesus Christ. Does she want a medal? Isn't becoming a mother just what egotistical women do? I'm pretty sure everything that needs to be said about it has already been written. It would be like me spending a Sunday morning mowing the lawn and washing the car by hand - activities performed exclusively by egotistical men - and then releasing a book about it. Wholly unnecessary.

With her relentless efforts to reinforce female sterotypes and exploit her femininity for her own benefit (when it comes to fluttering eyelids, she's the expert), I feel Klass has single-handedly set feminism and gender relations back at least thirty years. However I must confess my hatred of the woman first surfaced when I saw her appear on The Daily Politics with conservatism's Andrew Neil to talk about why she thought it was wrong for public authorities to offer translation services to immigrants: "They should be learning English! If we translate everything for them then soon we'll be the ones needing translation" etc. And of course, 'we' wouldn't like that - it's ridiculous to try and make life easier for people. As if her logic wasn't flawed enough already, she then revealed her parents came to Britain as immigrants decades ago and had found it difficult to settle here because of the langauge barrier (BUT THEY MANAGED, so everybody else should do too). Maybe they might have managed it even easier if they'd had the benefit of translation services... just a thought. Daft tart.

And one other thing: would you ever trust these eyes? It's impossible. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.