Christmas Cheer
Some might expect me to have a cynical approach to the festive season, what with my generally morose approach to life. But while out Christmas shopping earlier today - a busy shopping date in the buildup to the big day - it wasn't like that atall. I was possessed with cheeriness as I mingled in the packed streets with all the people on a magical search for gifts to present to loved ones this Christmas. A time for giving and sharing - all the best aspects of humanity on display. And the children! All the little children excitedly buzzing about with rosy cheeks, staring in awe through shop windows at the festive displays, and no doubt counting every second until Santa comes. It all really gave me a warm glow inside.
Mind you, I'd prefer it if there were a few less of these people out in the streets. It's hard to get from A to B without someone zig-zagging in front of you with a pram, throwing you off course and generally causing tumult. It's like navigating your way across busier sections of the M25 at times. On at least two occasions this afternoon I came to a complete standstill when the woman in front of me decided to stop all of a sudden for a bite from her apple slice. With all her squat, pot-bellied offspring hanging off her trouser leg like leeches, sucking the cash out of her to get the presents they want. The pigheaded little consumerist fuckwits. Come everyone; sing, dance, gather with me around this great festive altar of Satanic pastime as we crowd the streets, spending cash we don't have on things nobody really needs, all in the name of keeping the economy going. Mulled wine? Piss off.
Mind you, I'd prefer it if there were a few less of these people out in the streets. It's hard to get from A to B without someone zig-zagging in front of you with a pram, throwing you off course and generally causing tumult. It's like navigating your way across busier sections of the M25 at times. On at least two occasions this afternoon I came to a complete standstill when the woman in front of me decided to stop all of a sudden for a bite from her apple slice. With all her squat, pot-bellied offspring hanging off her trouser leg like leeches, sucking the cash out of her to get the presents they want. The pigheaded little consumerist fuckwits. Come everyone; sing, dance, gather with me around this great festive altar of Satanic pastime as we crowd the streets, spending cash we don't have on things nobody really needs, all in the name of keeping the economy going. Mulled wine? Piss off.
posted by Paddy at 5:39 pm
4 Comments:
Red wine - One bottle
Brandy - One glug
Cinnamon - One stick
Orange, Lemon - one slice each
Nutmeg - Sprinkling
Cloves - Several
I'm drinking it as I write.
A hint of fennel in there somewhere and it'd be just perfect.
I ditch variety in favour of quantity, as you'll see from my most recent post.
Maybe you need to broaden your horizons and look beyond all things mulled. I happened to pick up a small leaflet this Yuletide on how to mkae punches, wine and ciser cups, mulled drinks and wassails. Perhaps if you shook yourself free of the spice shackles that restrain you, you could one of the other many warming beverages that are perfect to enjoy all year round. These include (reading from list) hot milk punch, Mexican chocolate, grog (contains alcohol), The Bishop (which sounds like a Cockney hitman)and lastly Tea for One...but them no doubt you would not want to mess with perfection and would not waste a Yorkshire brew bag on such pish. Happy Christmas Paddy, why don't you go for a job as a shopping centre Father Christmas next year? x
I had a job as Father Winterfest this year but was dispensed with in dramatic circumstances for distributing swollen male-gland door knockers to the youth of Middlesbrough. Just like you say in the door knocker comments, those too are 'VERY VIVID AND LIFELIKE' - I think that was the problem. They were a nightmare to wrap too.
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